Ukraine threatens Russian tourists

Kiev warns Russian citizens visiting Crimea could face an ‘unpleasantly hot summer break’

The Ukrainian military issued a sinister threat against Russian tourists seeking to travel to Crimea this summer, insisting the region belongs to Ukraine and suggesting visitors might be killed by shelling or air strikes.

The Defense Ministry took to Twitter on Thursday with a post stating that “Unless they want an unpleasantly hot summer break, we advise our valued Russian guests not to visit Ukrainian Crimea,” also appending a video set to Bananarama's ‘Cruel Summer.’

“You had a few options this summer: Palm Jumeirah Beaches, Antalya Resorts, Cuban Cabanas. You chose Crimea; big mistake. Time to head home,” the video says, at one point cutting between scenic shots of the named tourist destinations and explosions erupting at Moscow’s Saki Air Base on the peninsula earlier this week.

Unless they want an unpleasantly hot summer break, we advise our valued russian guests not to visit Ukrainian Crimea.

Because no amount of sunscreen will protect them from the hazardous effects of smoking in unauthorised areas.